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Wikipedia Brown: ‘The Case of the Tenacious Trojan’ (Part 2 of 3)

By: 8 July 2013 One Comment

Wikipedia Brown!Welcome back to the serialized adventures of Wikipedia Brown. Welcome back? Yes, Episodes 1 and 2 are complete and you’ll find them here. We left off last week after the start of Episode 3, the Case of the Tenacious Trojan, and you’ll find that here.

Please bear in mind that these serialized adventures were originally meant to be heard and not read. However, only the first episode was produced and you’ll find that here. Will more be produced in the future? Perhaps. We’ll just wait and see, huh?

At any rate, we left off last week when Wikipedia Brown – confirmed smarty pants and Internet advocate – and his trusty sidekick, Webster, learned that computers all over town had been infected with a Trojan that played the dreaded “Chicken Dance” song repeatedly. The two boys immediately tried to figure out who was at fault. Wikipedia Brown suggested that Mayor Wolfgang Coody was to blame while Webster wondered if Britannica – Wikipedia’s sworn nemesis – was responsible. Wikipedia chastised Webster and … well, let’s let the narrator take it from there, shall we?

Wow, Wiki. Kind of harsh on Webster, weren’t you? However, I’m sure you know what you’re doing and we’ll have to wait and see what kind of brilliant plan you’re setting in motion.

Meanwhile, you – dear listener – are in luck. I’m not just a typical narrator – I’m an omniscient one and that means that we can pop in and see what Britannica is up to, just in case he happens to be responsible for the computer virus. Of course, Wiki will catch the wrongdoer before long, but some of us are impatient.

Well, would you look at that? It seems that Britannica has just hired a new assistant – the very evil and very capable – Summer. Summer? She might want to work on that name. It’s just not very evil.

“Hey! What’s wrong with my name?”

It’s just not evil. If you’re going to be evil, you should get something that sounds evil. You know, like Elvira or Vampira or Medusa…

“But, I’m not evil.”

Then why are you working for Britannica?

“Because he pays well. I don’t give a hoot about whether he’s evil or not.”

Fair enough. Makes sense. If we all insisted on working for strictly moral employers, the national unemployment rate would be around 50 percent.

Anyway, let’s see what the very evil Britannica and the ambivalently amoral Summer are up to…

“You know, Britannica, when you hired me to do some computer work, I really figured you’d have better equipment.”

“What do you mean?” Britannica huffed. “You’ve got a computer and Internet access.”

“Well, that’s sort of right. You’ve got a 386 with MS-DOS on it and a dial-up modem. I mean, I’m reduced to using that Arachne Internet browser because it’s the best thing I can get to run on DOS. My phone has more firepower than this setup. I really should get my laptop…

“If you bring that laptop in here, you’re fired! I’ll not have you pollute my beautiful antiques store with one of those nasty little things. You’re lucky I’ll put up with a computer as new as this one is.”

“Fine, fine, fine. You’re the lucky one. I’m so skilled I can even make this setup work for what you’re trying to do.”

“Now, that’s the attitude I want to see! You did a masterful job on that virus…”

“Well, technically it’s a Trojan…”

“Yes, yes. A Trojan. Virus. Trojan. Worm. Barking dog. I don’t care what it’s called. The point is, it will infect computers all over town and render them useless. Perhaps then people will turn from the evil Internet and back toward the safety and reliability of books, newspapers, encyclopedia – established, solid sources of information.”

“I just hope that kid you told me about doesn’t trace it back to us,” Summer said. “He sounds like trouble.”

“Yes, the kid – Wikipedia Brown,” Britannica hissed. “The very name fills me with rage. I’m trying to help out this town and he keeps foiling me…”

“Help? You tried to get the Internet banned in public libraries and you stole a teacher’s shoe. Now you’ve hired me to set a Trojan loose that will wreck everything in the city. How does any of that improve a thing?”

“Well, the whole shoe thing was a bit out of line. I’ll admit that. I was trying to get a date and my plan didn’t work. The Internet ban and our virus – I mean, Trojan – are just part of my ongoing effort to get people to quit relying so much on the Internet. Books, Summer, books! That’s where people need to turn for knowledge. There’s just so much junk on the Internet. But, I digress. I’m easily distracted. Again, great job on the Trojan.”

“Thank you. I love the Internet, but you are paying me very well and I do enjoy causing chaos.”

“I’ve just got to know – how did you write something that would evade all those virus protection programs out there and would stay local?”

“Well, I can’t tell you that. If everyone knew how to do what I can do, my skills would be considerably less valuable.”

That answers that, doesn’t it? It looks like Britannica has hired a new foot soldier in his war against the Internet and Wikipedia Brown. I wonder when Wiki will figure that out? Oh, no! I hope Wiki hasn’t gone to see the mayor…

Uh-oh. It looks like he has.

“Mayor Coody!” Wikipedia brown yelled as he saw the mayor coming out of City Hall. “We must talk!”

“Rats! It’s you again. What do you want? The last time we talked, you accused me of stealing Ms. West’s shoe.”

“Well, I figured out you didn’t steal that shoe. No harm, no foul, right? This time, however, I’ve caught you, Mayor. I expect you to confess fully and then come with me to visit the police.”

“Caught me? Caught me doing what? Running an entire city on a limited budget during a recession? I’ll admit that, but I’ve not been up to anything in which the police need to be involved.”

“So, that computer virus you unleashed on our town is nothing, huh?”

“Computer virus? You mean that dancing chicken thing that’s wrecked every computer in City Hall? That thing annoys the heck out of me. Why on earth would I do that?”

“I don’t know, mayor. Why would you do that? What do you have to gain from it?”

“I have absolutely nothing to gain from it.”

“Then why did you do it?”

“Look, kid. I don’t know what you have against me. I don’t know why you keep accusing me of things and, frankly, I don’t care. You’re really starting to annoy me. I may have to get the police involved – get them to pay you a visit.”

“No need, mayor. I’m going to see the police in just a few minutes They’ll get The Truth if they have to beat it out of you with rubber hoses. You could have saved yourself a lot of time and trouble by just confessing, but have it your way. Good day, sir.”

“That kid is really starting to annoy me. If he shows up accusing me of anything else, I may just have to have the police chief toss him in jail for a night or two to put a good scare into him.”

Be careful, Wiki! The mayor’s out to get you. Maybe he’s hiding something…

Anyway, Wikipedia made his way back to his office and found Webster waiting for him…

“Well, Wiki. Did you go see the mayor.”

“Yes, Webster. I sure did.”

“And?”

“He denied everything, of course.”

“I’m not surprised. Have you even considered that Britannica might be the one behind this?”

“We’ve been through this already. The mayor is the guy. I know that for a fact. I’ll visit with the chief of police, he’ll have the mayor arrested. The mayor will confess and let us know how to cure the virus…”

“Technically, it’s a Trojan. It came across on email disguised as something else in an attachment. The fascinating thing is it managed to upload itself to our computers and we didn’t click on the attachment. That’s some brilliant programming.”

“Yes, yes. A Trojan. Doesn’t matter. The mayor did it and we need to have him arrested so the police can force him to tell us how to reverse it.”

“Wiki, you really don’t need to mess with the mayor unless you are absolutely sure. We need to at least visit with Britannica and see if he had something to do with this. It makes sense that he’d do this. He hates the Internet and this Trojan has made it virtually impossible for anyone to access the Internet.”

“Fine, Webster. We’ll go see Britannica just so I can show you why you’re wrong. Happy now?”

“Not really, but I’m getting there.”

Ah! So that’s how Wiki will solve this one. When he’s in Britannica’s antiques store, certainly he’ll figure out who is truly responsible for the virus, err – Trojan. Stop by next week for the conclusion of Wikipedia Brown and the Case of the Tenacious Trojan!

About: Ethan C. Nobles:
Benton resident. Rogue journalist. Recovering attorney. Email = Ethan@FirstArkansasNews.net.

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