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Wikipedia Brown: ‘The Case of the Swiped Shoe’ (conclusion)

By: 24 June 2013 One Comment

Wikipedia Brown!When we left off last week, Wikipedia Brown – teen detective, student of the Internet and a man prone to jumping to the oddest conclusion possible under any given scenario – continued his work on a case presented by the sultry Ms. West. She was give the civics class that both Wikipedia and Webster – his able assistant – took in junior high school.

Someone had stolen Ms. Wests very expensive shoe and left a note stating she could only get it back if she met with the thief. Wikipedia concluded that aliens had abducted the shoe then changed his mind, claiming Mayor Wolfgang Coody had taken it. Meanwhile, Webster discovered that the shoe was taken by Britannica – Internet opponent and Wikipedia’s sworn nemesis.

Will Webster be able to stop Wikipedia from making a fool out of himself by accusing the mayor of engaging in criminal shoe swiping? Will Britannica be brought to justice and what does he want with a woman’s shoe, anyway? Read on for the exciting conclusion to The Case of the Swiped Shoe.

Webster was unable to reach Wikipedia in time with the information that clearly proved that Britannica was the shoe thief. Be careful when you approach Mayor Wolfgang Coody, Wiki. He can have you arrested!

“Mr. Mayor! We need to talk,” insisted Wikipedia Brown.

“What? Oh, it’s you. That kid who stopped Britannica from banning the Internet in libraries. Good job there. What do you want? A commendation? Word of thanks?”

“Nothing like that, Mr. Mayor. All I want is an answer – why did you steal Ms. West’s shoe?”

“What are you talking about? Ms. West? The civics teacher at the junior high? Why would I steal her shoe?”

“I don’t know, mayor. That’s why I’m asking.”

“Look, kid. I didn’t steal Ms. West’s shoe. I’d like to win another term in office and you don’t do that by going out and doing crazy stuff like stealing shoes. Think about it – what reason would I have?”

“Again, Mr. Mayor, I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking. Do you still deny stealing Ms. West’s shoe?”

“Of course I do!”

“Have it your way, Mr. Mayor. I’ll tell you what. I know you don’t want any controversy, so here’s the deal. If that shoe appears in my office within the hour, I’ll not go to the police. Good day to you, sir.”

“A shoe. He thinks I stole a shoe. That kid’s starting to annoy me. I hope he’s not old enough to vote.”

And, so, both Wikipedia Brown and Webster both headed back to the office and each convinced he knew who stole Ms. West’s shoe. Webster mades it back to the office first, but Wikipedia wasn’t far behind.

“Webster, I talked to the mayor. He denies everything,” Wikipedia said as he burst through the door. “I need to go see the police, present them with the decrypted signature on the note and have Mr. Mayor arrested. Even if the police chief is beholden to the man who hired him, he can’t deny my evidence. Are you coming?”

“Of course. But, uh, I need to make a stop first.”

“A stop. Where? Why?”

“The shoe store. All this talk about shoes has made me realize that my PF Flyers are a mess. I need a new pair so that I might run faster and jump higher again. It’s on the way. Won’t take five minutes.”

“OK. But make it fast. Remember, we’ve got a case to solve.”

And so, Wikipedia and Webster headed to the shoe store. Ah, but what of Britannica? Don’t worry – when you’ve been around as long as I have, you’ll realize that Wiki will always find a way to solve the case.

“OK, Wiki. Here’s the store.”

“This isn’t a shoe store. It’s an antiques store.”

“It will all make sense in a minute. Let’s go inside…”

The two boys walked through the door of the antiques store and saw none other than the loathsome Britannica.

“Britannica! You fiend!” Wikipedia exclaimed.

“Wikipedia Brown! So, you figured it out, did you? I should have known…”

“You fiend! You fiendish fiend!” Wikipedia yelled and then paused. “Wait. Figured it out?”

“Now, don’t be coy, ace. I know you’ve been looking for Ms. West’s shoe, just as you must have known that I had a minion – err, associate – working in the junior high as a janitor,” Britannica said. “That associate told me Ms. West had gone to see you, so I concluded you must have known that my minion – err, associate – stole Ms. West’s shoe and brought it to me”

“Well, I, uh…”

“Very sly, Wikipedia Brown! Very sly. And because I run an antiques store, you must have known that I’m the kind of man who would have access to an Enigma encryption machine and would use it it to scramble my signature on the shoe ransom note.”

“But, Britannica, that doesn’t explain why,” Webster observed. Why would you take Ms. West’s shoe?”

“Because I’m lonely.”

“And a shoe would keep you company?” Wikipedia asked.

“No. I was hoping Ms. West would keep me company. I just wanted to meet her at the Tastee Freeze for dinner. Maybe go to a movie afterward.”

“But, why didn’t you just ask her to dinner?” Webster asked.

“I’m shy about women. Besides, it’s hard to meet anyone when you’ve got the reputation of being evil…”

That set off Wikipedia again.

“You fiend! You are a fiendish fiend!”

“…and you’re being constantly accused of being a fiend by a certain boy detective.

“Well, you win again … Wikipedia Brown. Here’s the shoe. Take it back to Ms. West and celebrate your victory, but heed my words – you’ve not heard the last of … Britannica.”

“There you go, Webster. I solved it. Yay, me! I’m great, great, great. Even when I’m not sure what the answer is, I find it. Have you ever seen anything like it?”

“No. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Wow! Did you catch all that? That Wikipedia Brown is something else! He threw the dice and they came up Britannica! He took all of those pieces that looked random to us and clearly saw a picture of Britannica! How on earth does he do it? That boy is amazing.

“Weren’t you paying attention?” asked a clearly fuming Webster. “Enigma machine. All me. Bringing Wikipedia by Britannica’s antique store in hopes that the thief would spill his guts. Me. What did Wikipedia do? He accused the mayor! I mean, come on…”

Now, Webster. I know it’s hard being in Wikipedia Brown’s shadow, but you should take this opportunity to learn from him.

“Yeah, I’m learning plenty. Like how to mess things up and steal credit. That’s it. I’m going home.”

Oh, that Webster. He’ll be OK. He’s just got a lot to learn.

“Jerk!” yelled Webster from a distance.

Uh, anyway. Stop in next time when a malicious computer virus hits town. Who is behind it? Can Wikipedia stop it? All those questions – and more – will be answered as The Case of the Tenacious Trojan unfolds. Don’t miss it!

Click here if you want to read the first part of this nonsense or here for the second part. Click here if you want to read even more nonsense.

About: Ethan C. Nobles:
Benton resident. Rogue journalist. Recovering attorney. Email =

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